Caregiving: The Unpaid Labor That Women Shoulder (And How to Set Boundaries and Reclaim Your Time)
Caregiving is unpaid, exhausting labor that disproportionately falls on women, especially women of color, forcing them to sacrifice their time, money, and well-being while society takes it for granted. This post challenges that expectation, offering practical ways to push back, set boundaries, redistribute responsibilities, and reject guilt so caregivers can prioritize their own lives, too.
Caregiving is Time & Money
Society likes to act like caregiving just happens. But what they don’t say is that it comes at a huge personal cost—physically, mentally, and financially.
53 million Americans—more than 1 in 5 adults—are unpaid caregivers for a family member. That’s more than the population of California. (AARP)
61% of family caregivers are also working full-time. Nearly 1 in 3 have had to quit or reduce their hours because caregiving became impossible to balance. (Harvard Business School)
Caregivers spend an average of $7,242 per year out of their own pockets on care-related expenses. That’s money coming straight out of savings, retirement, or rent. (AARP)
If caregivers were paid for what they do, it would be a $600 billion industry. But instead, it’s just expected that you’ll handle it for free.
And let’s not pretend it’s shared equally—women take on 75% of caregiving responsibilities.
You don’t deserve to be a bottomless well of emotional, financial, and physical labor.
If you’re feeling burnt out, you’re not failing—the system is failing you.
For Women of Color, the Expectation is Even Higher
If you’re a woman of color, the caregiving expectations are even more intense. In many cultures, there’s an unspoken rule that you will step up, handle it all, and never complain.
Latina and Black women are more likely to be family caregivers than white women—and they’re more likely to be balancing full-time work and caregiving at the same time. (National Alliance for Caregiving)
Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) caregivers report higher levels of emotional distress due to cultural expectations of multigenerational caregiving, with few resources tailored to their needs. (National Asian Pacific Center on Aging)
Indigenous women often provide caregiving across multiple generations while also being expected to care for community elders. (National Indian Council on Aging)
It’s not just a responsibility—it’s an expectation. And if you push back, you get all the clapbacks and possibly worse.
“But you’re so good at it!” (Translation: We need you to do this for free.)
“It’s just what we do.” (Translation: Don’t challenge the status quo.)
“You make less money.” (Translation: You must handle everything.)
Doing This Alone is Unhealthy
Caregiving burnout is real, and it is not your fault. It happens when you are expected to sacrifice everything—your health, your career, your free time—and then shamed if you push back.
Here are just a few support points for you:
72% of caregivers do not feel like they have enough support. (AARP)
40% of caregivers experience clinical depression or anxiety due to the stress of caregiving. (Family Caregiver Alliance)
Caregivers are twice as likely to develop chronic health conditions due to the physical and emotional toll. (CDC)
You are not a bad person for wanting time for yourself. You deserve rest and support—just like the person you’re caring for. You do not have to sacrifice your entire life to meet expectations that were never fair in the first place.
A Few Ways to Push Back
If you’ve been the default caregiver, it’s time to start disrupting the pattern. And yes, that means putting other people on notice.
Here’s how to respond when people try to guilt you into carrying the entire burden. Add an f-word (in your mind) if you need to!
When they say: “But you’re so good at this!”
Comeback: “Great! That means you’ll learn fast.”
When they say: “I just don’t know how to help.”
Comeback: “I’ll show you. Let’s start with these three things.”
When they say: “I’d help, but I’m just so busy.”
Comeback: “I also have responsibilities. Now, it’s your turn.”
When they say: “Mom/Dad only listens to you.”
Comeback: “They love you too, and we’re all responsible for their care.”
When they say: “You’re just being dramatic.”
Comeback: “I challenge you to do this for a week.”
When they say: “It’s just what family does.”
Comeback: “Exactly. And you’re family.”
When they say: “You’re being selfish.”
Comeback: “Taking care of myself isn’t selfish.”
Final Thought: You Deserve Support
If you’ve been forced into the caregiver role while others sit back and watch, you are allowed to disrupt the pattern. You are allowed to prioritize your own life, too. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to demand help. Yes, demand.
If you burn out, no one wins. And if your family, friends, or community expect you to be the one who sacrifices everything? That’s their issue—not yours. You didn’t sign up for this alone, and you shouldn’t have to handle it alone. Start handing out responsibilities—and let the chips fall where they may.