The Dark Side of Coaching: Women Gatekeeping Women
Coaching is supposed to be about growth, empowerment, and lifting people up. But spend five minutes in the industry, and you’ll notice something else: a lot of coaches are running a status game. They act like coaching is an exclusive club where they get to decide who belongs.
This is a story about Emi, a Japanese American executive-turned-coach with 25 years of leadership experience, and Courtney, a former mid-level manager who rebranded herself as a coaching expert with a polished online presence. One of them had real experience. The other had LinkedIn posts. Guess which one tried to gatekeep the other?
The Case of Emi vs. the “Expert” Gatekeeper
Coaching is often viewed as a supportive industry—and with women making up the majority of coaches, it should be supportive in practice. But instead of lifting each other up, many female coaches engage in subtle gatekeeping. Deciding who gets visibility, whose expertise is questioned, and whose voice matters. Add social media to the mix, and it gets toxic really quickly.
That’s exactly what Emi experienced.
After 30 years in corporate leadership, she entered coaching with more strategic business experience than most coaches. Emi spent decades informally coaching executives and teams as a management consultant. She didn’t pivot to coaching because she was lost in her career. She had already been coaching people for years—just without the title. And she truly enjoyed it.
But instead of being welcomed, she found herself subtly and then not so subtly policed.
Enter Courtney, a mid-level manager turned coach. She kept burning out in her roles and decided she was destined for bigger things. When she was let go from her last manager job, she got certified as a coach. And she successfuly built an online persona around coaching. She wasn’t truly edgy, but she thought she was—peppering her posts with just enough hot photos and contrarian takes to get attention.
How the Bullying Started
It started in a LinkedIn thread.
Emi had written a post about coaching senior leaders through high-stakes decision-making. Not theory—actual experience from boardrooms where millions of dollars were on the line. It started gaining traction.
Then Courtney swooped in. She didn’t know Emi well but had connected with her after a professional event.
“Interesting!” she commented. “But executive coaching isn’t consulting. A lot of ex-corporate folks who are new to coaching make this mistake!”
Emi let it go. Maybe it wasn’t even directly about her.
But it kept happening.
Emi wrote a personal story about leading through uncertainty. Courtney made a snarky remark on her post.
Emi shared that she was invited to a podcast. Courtney reposted it and discreted the topic.
Emi has a talk about using AI for decision-making. Courtney wrote a blog article and called Emi out.
The message was now loud and clear. I know more than you. Your voice isn’t valid here.
And more and more of Courtney’s followers were parroting her on Emi’s posts.
Emi knew she needed a bigger online presence. But when? Between clients, family, and actual life, where was she supposed to find time to argue with people on social media? More importantly—why should she have to?
The Moment Emi Had Enough
Then came the coaching panel. Both Emi and Courtney were speakers.
Midway through, the moderator asked:
“What’s the biggest mistake executive coaches make?”
Courtney smirked and looked at Emi.
“They think their business experience matters in coaching,” she said. “That’s so old-school.”
The moderator turned to Emi.
Emi didn’t hesitate.
“Executives don’t have time for endless reflection—they need the clarity to move forward very quickly. Real-world experience helps me understand which questions will actually move the needle. And Courtney, dismissing my expertise is…bullying.”
Silence. Jaws dropped. Then a murmur of agreement. The moderator nodded and quickly moved on.
Courtney was silent for the rest of the panel.
She also stopped commenting on Emi’s posts.
But, if she hadn’t, Emi had a video of that panel experience to post. And, she wasn’t afraid to use it.
Why This Happens in Coaching
Courtney’s behavior wasn’t just about insecurity or narcissism. It was a symptom of a bigger problem in coaching.
Scarcity mindset. They preach abundance, but when someone really qualified enters, they panic.
Intersectional bias. Coaching is overwhelmingly white. Women of color often find themselves policed by white women who feel threatened.
Social media rewards confidence, not competence. The loudest voice often wins, whether or not it has anything of value to say.
How Emi Took Her Power Back
Emi slowly built an online presence that worked for her.
She leaned into her strengths—her real-world experience gave her an edge no LinkedIn post could fake.
She aimed even bigger — and launched a niche executive coaching program with a long waiting list.
She built a strong, engaged community—one that valued depth over social performance.
And Courtney? Still seething and gatekeeping.