When Trauma Pulls You Back, You’re Still Moving Forward
You know that feeling when you’ve been making real progress—setting boundaries, handling things with more clarity, feeling like you’ve stepped into a stronger version of yourself—only to have something yank you right back into old patterns? Maybe it’s a conversation that cuts a little too close to past wounds. Maybe it’s a situation that triggers a reaction you thought you’d outgrown. And suddenly, it’s like your past self hijacks the moment, and you’re watching yourself respond in ways you swore you left behind. Let’s be honest—this happens a lot with “family”.
The thought creeps in: Was all that growth real, or was I just fooling myself?
A coach would say: You are still moving forward. This is what healing looks like.
Growth Doesn’t Erase Your Past—It Changes How You Meet It
Trauma doesn’t disappear just because you’ve done the work. Your brain and body keep records—because that’s what they were built to do. When something feels too familiar, too close to an old hurt, your nervous system responds the way it always has: by trying to protect you. That doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It means you’re facing something familiar—but this time, you’re different.
Healing isn’t about never feeling triggered again. It’s about recognizing what’s happening and choosing how to respond—not from the version of you who was wounded, but from the version of you who has lived, learned, and built new ways of coping. You’re not repeating the past. You’re meeting it with new awareness, new tools, and new choices.
What to Do When Old Wounds Show Up
1. Name What’s Happening, Without Judgment: You’re not “back to square one.” You’re having a response to something that echoes your past, where you were different, younger, and less grown into the self you want to be. Instead of letting these wounds spiral, recognize it for what it is. That small shift in perspective can change everything.
This situation reminds me of something I’ve been through before.
I’m just reacting from an old place, but I don’t have to stay there.
2. Decide Who’s Running the Show: Is it the version of you from years ago who didn’t have the experience or tools you have now? Or is it the person you’ve become, who knows more, understands more, and has options? Even if your reaction isn’t what you hoped for, the fact that you’re noticing it means something has changed. You have greater awareness now. That alone is progress. You decide who you want to be.
Maybe before, I avoided a bully. Now, I call them out.
Maybe before, I exploded. Now, I pause and step away.
Maybe before, I shut down. Now, I ask for support.
Maybe before, I took the blame. Now, I recognize it’s not mine to carry.
3. Accept That You Won’t Be Perfect: Some days, you’ll handle things with lots of wisdom and self-awareness. On other days, you may be kind of slow to notice what you should have done. And on your toughest days, it may feel like may feel like you really screwed up. That doesn’t cancel out your growth. It just means you’re human. The point isn’t to be flawless. The point is to recognize when you need a reset, give yourself grace, and keep going.
4. Recognize Complex PTSD: There’s a difference between feeling deja vous and actually feeling like you’re in the past. When your body constantly gets hijacked during communications, it’s time to talk to a therapist and a medical professional. You can also find a coach who has real practice and lived experience. The world has become much more open to ongoing sexual, racial, and intergenerational trauma, too.
5. Remember, You Keep Your Progress When something reminds you of your past, your nervous system might react before your brain catches up. That’s not failure—that’s biology. The work is in recognizing it, grounding yourself in the present, and responding from the person you are today. You are not who you were. You are not back where you started. You’re still moving, still learning, still growing. This isn’t the end of your progress. It’s proof of how far you’ve come.